Life works in funny ways because when I was in high school I was quick to call out someone for being a “mean girl”. I would join in on the gossip about the girls who had it all and weren’t shy to admit it. Their drama and arrogant demeanor would consume my thoughts and ruined many days. It wasn’t until I was in college that I had this insane thought… what if I was a mean girl in someone else’s life?!
Needless to say, most of the mean girls (& guys) don’t consider themselves as such. That’s exactly why I want to bring this up. If we want to make this world a better place by minimizing the number of judgmental, arrogant individuals, I suggest that we start with ourselves. I want to keep it simple and list a few red flags that could be indicators that YOU (yes, you) are a mean girl.
1. You Find Yourself Judging Others with Your Friends
You get together with your friends and enjoy carefully dissecting everyone else’s life (excluding yourselves… hmmm…). I am genuinely convinced that judging others is simply a habit. For that reason, I believe that good people can have this bad habit. AKA, there’s hope for all of us mean girls out there!! Every time I catch myself bringing up others’ downfalls, I try to stop myself and even verbalize my mistake. This helps hold me accountable while demonstrating to my friends that the person I was behaving like is not the person I want to be. Holding yourself accountable is a fantastic way to improve yourself while potentially inspiring those around you to do the same.
2. You Think You Are Cool
Y’all. I’m not joking. Stop thinking you are cool. The day I realized that I’m not cool at all was such a liberating day. Stop trying to be smooth, mysterious, hard to get, etc. This amazing world is full of humans of every sort and we all have something unique to offer. There are times when I find myself trying to sound cool or look cool in front of certain crowds. Hint hint. Those are probably not crowds I should hang around with. If you feel like you need to pretend to fit in a certain group, you’re probably not the only one who feels that way. Would you rather appease a judgmental crowd while making others feel excluded or would you rather embrace your unique personality while practicing inclusivity? Don’t feed into a culture that makes others feel alone or substandard. The best way to make others feel included is by showing them. If their card gets declined at a gas station (this just happened to me this week!!), be like the guy behind me in line who said “it’s no big deal. My card got declined for a pack of gum once.” Be that guy!!
3. You Look Down Upon Those Around You
This is a personal one. This is a practice that only you know you do. Your mind is full of eye rolls and scoffs about the artistic girl in your literature class that writes dark poems or the guy who throws his weights around violently at the gym. You judge their lifestyles and their actions with little regard for their story. You don’t care if they were abused by an alcoholic father or if they were picked on for being overweight in middle school or even if they were sexually abused by a friend growing up. Let me share this one piece of my life with you. Three years ago I was blessed enough to be put in a position where I could connect students with mental health agencies. The most influential lesson I have learned so far is that you never know what is going on in the lives of those around you. There are people I walked by every single day that I never would have known were struggling with depression, anxiety, abuse, infertility, adoption, addiction, STDs, or cancer. It is incredibly humbling to realize that every individual has a story. Do not jump to conclusions about the lives of others or for a second think we have the right to look down upon them. This private choice to judge or not to judge is essential. This personally is my biggest downfall and I strive daily to recondition my mind to be loving and understanding. I urge you to give it a shot, too.
Truth is, mean girls have stories, too. Hold yourself accountable. Don’t let yourself be a mean girl.
XOXO,
Kay
