This is a touchy subject and I know that there are individuals who do not agree with my approach. My whole philosophy is that if it is healthy for you and makes you happy, do it (even if it is different than what I recommend). My end goal is to spread awareness that healthy relationships are a choice in the same way that toxic relationships are a choice.
While family can be a loving, safe environment for some, it is not for all. It may be your cousin who always comments on your weight or your uncle who drinks too much at family reunions. It may even be your mom who emotionally abuses you or manipulates you. Toxic relationships come in numerous forms. Society has been keeping a great secret from us for far too long. That secret is that it doesn’t matter who that toxic person is in your life, even if they’re family, you do not have to allow them to have that presence in your life just because they are family.
A common feeling of loyalty is associated with family. That sense of loyalty can be amazing or detrimental, depending on the circumstances. What is essential to note is that being family should not be an excuse for abusive or toxic behavior. Here are a few examples to ensure that we’re on the same page.
- You can’t turn him in for abusing you because he is your own father.
- You can’t stay mad at your brother for that.
- Come on, they’re family.
Using the word “family” as a chain to another individual despite how toxic they are is not acceptable. Do not let yourself (or others) try to convince you that you owe something to your family due to the simple fact that they’re family. I am absolutely not advocating to withhold forgiveness from your family but it is vital that those ties do not become a crutch or excuse for you to maintain toxic relationships. Deciding to break off those relationships can be extremely painful but I’m here to tell you that family does not get a “Get Out of Jail Free” card. If red lines are crossed, it may be time to reevaluate your involvement with that individual, family or not.
I encourage you to avoid feeling chained to a toxic family member. You are strong enough to break away.
Forgive, love, and cherish, but do not let red lines get crossed no matter who it’s by.
XOXO,
Kay
