Let’s be weird. Let’s talk about awkward things. Let’s talk about smells. Let’s talk about bodily functions. Let’s talk about relationships. Let’s talk about sexual health. Let’s talk about fears. Let’s talk about vulnerabilities. Let’s talk about abuse. Let’s talk about suicide. Let’s talk about self harm. Let’s talk about embarrassment. Let’s talk about God. Let’s talk about sweat. Let’s talk about death. Let’s talk about racism. Let’s talk about adoption. LET’S GET UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!!!
Here’s the down low… The more we make all of theses things taboo, the more alone we all feel, the more risks we’re taking, and the more choices we’re making with less information. The best thing we can do for ourselves and the people around us is to stop acting uncomfortable! We can’t walk around for 100 years all acting like we’ve never pooped, cried ourselves to sleep, or plucked hair from random places on our bodies. I promise that some of you are thinking, “how do I stop acting uncomfortable if I am uncomfortable??”. Good question! I have the simplest answer on the face of the planet: Tell yourself you are not uncomfortable. That’s the magic potion. That’s the answer we’ve all been searching for. The more you convince yourself (and the people around you) that you are NOT uncomfortable, the more you rid yourself of the feeling of discomfort.
Like I said in the “About” page, I have been blessed enough to be a mediator (again, a counselor with less formal education). Throughout my humbling journey, I have learned two skills that go hand in hand. I have learned to stop judging people and to stop getting uncomfortable! If someone comes to you to discuss a difficult subject and you display your discomfort with the topic, it makes them shut down 99% of the time. In my opinion, that’s not fair to the person you’re speaking with. You are essentially choosing to display your discomfort at the expense of the individual who entrusted you with this tough subject.
I can’t tell y’all to get uncomfortable without demonstrating it myself…. So here I go!
As a mediator, I personally struggle helping others with grief. When I was 18 years old I was sitting in my chemistry classroom as a freshman at a military service academy. My life was completely turned upside down (so I thought). Then I received that unexpected phone call from my mom. That phone call no one wants to pick up. That “can you step into a room alone?” phone call. My 19 year old step-sister passed away with no warning. A young woman with a heart of gold and a laugh that could fill a room. Gone. I never got to see her get married or even tell her I love her one more time.
Now part of my job is being present when cadets are informed about the death of loved ones. Want to talk about being uncomfortable? The catch is that I know that the biggest disservice I could do to those grieving cadets is to show my own personal discomfort. Now I have worked through that pain so many times that I am beginning to turn that discomfort into a strength.
My point is that life is short. Y’all, life is SO short. Stop judging those around you. Stop pushing people away by making certain topics taboo. There are individuals in this world who think that they are alone because they struggle with anxiety, religion, grief, body odor, porn, relationships, finances. God loves all of his people. He knows all of our embarrassing stories. If He listens to every word we whisper, we can offer that same favor to those around us.
Let’s get uncomfortable.
XOXO,
Kay
Note: The photo above is to show each of you my vulnerability (I’m the female on the left). That photo was taken almost exactly four months after Heather passed away. You’re looking at a broken person. Someone uncomfortable being uncomfortable. Don’t be discouraged by where you are right now. This transition is a journey. An uncomfortable journey that is absolutely worth it.
If you want to keep getting uncomfortable, read Man’s Search for Meaning
