Every time I get a sudden urge to write about a specific topic, I stop everything I’m doing and write it. This morning I remembered one of the numerous amazing life lessons my mom taught me. She always told me not to let the fear of being alone keep me in a relationship. That turned out to be some of the most powerful advice I have received. I know that there is someone out there who needs to hear this message but I have no idea who. God put it on my heart to write this so if this speaks to you, I hope you will open your heart and listen.
The fear of being alone looks different for everyone. Whether you are a person who has been in a relationship for a long time or someone who falls in love frequently, it still could be relevant. There are times when a relationship is toxic, unhealthy, or plain boring, but there is this overwhelming fear that overcomes you when it comes time to break up. You don’t know what that anxious feeling is but it comes right before it is time to pull the trigger. You normally rationalize it by saying “I don’t think I can find someone as good as her” or “No one will love me like he does” or “If we break up now, the last few years of my life were wasted!”. Growing up, mom always reminded me that all of those statements are simply not true (aren’t moms so smart?!). There are almost eight billion people in the world and I promise that if you are unhappy now, you will find someone who is even healthier for you than your current partner. They will love you better than you ever imagined you could be loved. They will prove that all of the lessons you learned from your breakup were preparing you to be an even better spouse for the love of your life. There is no such thing as wasted time.
When you think of breaking up, try to avoid focusing on what you will be missing. Many people are concerned about not having a date for the wedding coming up, spending weekends alone, or waking up with no “good morning” texts in the mornings. Don’t feel ashamed of those concerns because they are extremely common. Just notice that many of those thoughts demonstrate a fear of being alone. I also want to add that just because you don’t have a significant other doesn’t mean you are alone, even though it may feel like it. You will notice that once you stop depending on your significant other for security, you will have time and energy to rekindle relationships and friendships that prove to you that you are not alone. The initial shock of the breakup is like ripping off a Band-Aid (even though this may feel like it’s the stickiest, most painful Band-Aid of all time). Don’t let the fear of the initial pain of being alone keep you from making a choice that could save you heartache in the future.
I encourage you to consider the impact of holding on to an unhealthy or unfulfilling relationship. If it would be painful to break up now, imagine how painful it would be if you held on for another year, once you are married, or even once kids are in the picture.
Some people say they are pro love. I am pro healthy relationships. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you have to stay together. I support nurturing relationships and sticking it out through tough times as long as it is healthy for both parties. If it is not, it may be time to face your fear… Your fear of being alone.
To whoever read this and realized it spoke to them, just know that God put this on my heart. He is listening.
XOXO,
Kay
