When I show up to work late I blame it on traffic, a hard time sleeping, and my sick child at home.
When my coworker gets to work late, I know it is because she doesn’t take her job seriously and she is irresponsible.
Have you ever noticed that you do this? Where we attribute our own failures and shortcomings to outside circumstances but are quick to directly attack the character of someone else for the same failure? You’re not the only one who does that. In fact, it’s extremely common and it’s called a “self-serving bias”. I’m sure that at this point you have noticed that I’m a huge fan of us humans finding out our flaws and being solution oriented to fix them. I see this bias so much in my own life. I have to constantly catch myself when I’m having those self-serving thoughts and I encourage you to see this bias in your own life.
Personally, I realize that how I portray my thoughts and feelings can be harsh at times or come off in a hurtful way. For years I told myself that I shouldn’t worry how other people perceive me since I know that I have good intentions. I wish someone would have told me sooner in my life that whether you hurt someone on purpose or you hurt someone unintentionally, it doesn’t matter. You still hurt them. While it’s impossible to go through this life pleasing every single person, there are ways to alter your behavior to hurt the least number of people along the way. Once I realized that my self-serving bias led me to make excuses for hurting those around me, it woke me up. I desperately try to avoid making excuses for myself or making hasty judgement calls on those around me.
Let me reiterate what self-serving bias is. According to Wikipedia (every teacher’s favorite, most reputable resource, right?), “It is the belief that individuals tend to ascribe success to their own abilities and efforts, but ascribe failure to external factors.”
Soften your heart towards others and don’t be blind to your own biases.
XOXO,
Kay
